Wednesday, December 5, 2007

The Last Chapter

We had Jenny euthanized today. The vets had done a number of x-rays and found fluid in her chest, and her kidneys were not the same size. They speculated that it might just be a kidney infection, but it was likely multiple problems, including probably at least one malignancy.

The vet was very kind on the phone, and really didn't push me one way or another - as much as I might have wished her to. However, in the end, it came down to a 16-yr old cat and quality of life. If we got her through this crisis, when would the next one occur? She was already in pain from arthritis, and the last thing I wanted was to cause her all the stress of treatments and diagnosis, and then have it be hopeless anyway.

We could have had an ultrasound to know 90% for sure if the kidneys were infected or malignant, but that wouldn't have answered the question about the chest fluid, and meanwhile, she's at the animal hospital scared and in pain, and I just couldn't keep her there unless I was sure they could help her. She was so bad at new environments.

Can you tell I feel terrible about this? I keep feeling like I'm rationalizing the decision - even though I know it was a reasonable choice. I wish there had been a "right" choice, but there really isn't in a situation like this. She was an old cat, and we knew this day was coming. Wish we'd had a couple more months of her rejuvanation, but I guess we should be glad for what we got. I feel a little bad about not going to see her again, but she was in such bad shape when I left her there, I really didn't want to remember her in that condition.

Rachel keeps saying, "that's the bad part about having pets. They die!" I'm sorry, my sweet, but that's just the way it is. We have to keep our loved ones, furry or not, alive in our memories.

3 comments:

Jill said...

Sorry you lost your friend. It's an impossible decision to make, but you made it in the best interest of the cat, so don't beat yourself up. She lived well past average for a cat.

Susan Z said...

I'm sorry to hear that she's gone but at least you gave her death with as much dignity as possible. I really think that as far as kids go that pets are "training ground" for handling bigger things in life.

Lisa C said...

I wondered where the comment came from when you said it had been a rough week. I hadn't seen your posts here about Jenny. I'm sorry to hear she's gone, that is rough. To have to make that decision to keep her out of pain is such a tough one. I'm sorry to hear she's gone. I remember holding her in one hand when I first met her at your old apartment, she was soo tiny! You hadn't had her very long.

I hope you have a quiet rest of the week, and big hugs.